Never Let It Be Said That Ground Crews Lack a Sense of Humour
Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (“P”) and solutions (“S”) recorded by maintenance engineers:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
It’s safe to say nobody planned for the historic disruption in operations that COVID-19 brought about over the past year. Faced with an unprecedented drop in demand seemingly overnight, many air operators were forced to put expansion plans on hold, make difficult decisions about staffing and park unused aircraft.
In the 2009 American comedy-drama Up in the Air, George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, a frequent flyer who extols the virtues of traveling for work. Living free of burdensome relationships and material possessions, Ryan’s entire lifestyle centers on his quest to earn 10 million frequent flyer miles with American Airlines.